Single Mom Journey: Finding Yourself Again After Life Changes Everything
The single mom journey isn’t one I ever imagined I’d be on. After fifteen years of marriage and raising children as part of a partnership, I suddenly found myself navigating motherhood solo with seven kids depending on me. If you’re reading this from your own unexpected chapter of single motherhood, I want you to know that your single mom journey is valid, your feelings are normal, and most importantly – you’re stronger than you realize.
When Life Rewrites Your Story
My single mom journey began not with a choice, but with circumstances that changed everything I thought I knew about my life. One day I was part of a parenting team, and the next I was making every decision, handling every crisis, and carrying every responsibility on my shoulders alone.
The transition wasn’t gradual or gentle. It was sudden, overwhelming, and honestly, terrifying. I remember those first few weeks thinking, “How am I supposed to do this?” The logistics alone felt impossible – how do you be present for seven children’s different needs, work, manage a household, and somehow keep your sanity intact?
Every Single Mom Journey is Different
Here’s what I wish someone had told me at the beginning: there’s no universal roadmap for the single mom journey. Every woman’s path looks different because every woman’s circumstances, resources, and challenges are unique.
Some single moms are starting fresh after divorce. Others, like me, are rebuilding after long marriages end. Some are young moms figuring it out for the first time, while others are seasoned parents adapting to a new normal. Some have strong support systems, others feel completely alone. Some have financial stability, others are struggling to make ends meet.
Your single mom journey doesn’t have to look like mine or anyone else’s to be valid. There’s no timeline for “getting it together,” no standard for how quickly you should adapt, and definitely no rule book for how to feel about any of it.
The Identity Crisis No One Talks About
What caught me completely off guard in my single mom journey was the identity crisis that came with it. For fifteen years, I had been “we” – we decided, we planned, we parented. Suddenly, I was just “I,” and I wasn’t even sure who that person was anymore.
When you’ve been part of a partnership for so long, especially in parenting, you can lose sight of your individual identity. Your thoughts, preferences, and decisions become so intertwined with another person’s that when they’re gone, you feel lost.
I found myself asking questions I hadn’t considered in years: What do I actually like? What are my goals beyond just surviving each day? Who am I when I’m not defined by my relationship status? What kind of mother do I want to be when I’m doing this alone?
Finding Yourself Again: It’s Not Selfish, It’s Essential
One of the biggest myths about the single mom journey is that focusing on yourself is selfish. We’re told that good mothers sacrifice everything for their children, that our needs come last, that self-care is a luxury we can’t afford.
This thinking is not only wrong – it’s dangerous.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give your children the best version of yourself if you don’t know who that person is. Finding yourself again isn’t selfish; it’s one of the most important gifts you can give your children.
Here’s what finding myself again has looked like in my single mom journey:
Rediscovering My Passions
I remembered how much I love to bake – not just because it feeds my family, but because it brings me joy. I started cooking not just out of necessity, but as a creative outlet. These weren’t frivolous activities; they were ways to reconnect with parts of myself I’d forgotten existed.
Setting Boundaries
Learning to say no became crucial. No to commitments that drained me, no to people who took without giving back, no to guilt about not being everything to everyone all the time.
Making Decisions Based on My Values
For the first time in years, I could make choices based purely on what I thought was best for my family and me, without having to negotiate or compromise with a partner who might have different priorities.
Embracing My Strengths
I discovered capabilities I never knew I had. I’m more resilient than I thought, more resourceful than I imagined, and more capable of handling crisis than I ever believed possible.
The Therapy Game-Changer
The most transformative part of my single mom journey has been therapy. I know it’s not accessible to everyone, and I know there’s still stigma around mental health support, but I have to share how much it changed everything for me.
Why Therapy Matters for Single Moms
Processing the Transition: The shift to single motherhood often involves grief – grief for the life you thought you’d have, the partnership you lost, the family structure that changed. Therapy provides a safe space to process these complex emotions.
Breaking Generational Patterns: Many of us parent the way we were parented, but single motherhood offers an opportunity to consciously choose different patterns. Therapy helped me identify which patterns I wanted to keep and which ones needed to change.
Managing Overwhelm: The single mom journey comes with unique stressors. Therapy gave me tools to manage anxiety, overwhelm, and the constant mental load of solo parenting.
Modeling Healthy Coping: When my children see me prioritizing my mental health, it teaches them that it’s normal and important to take care of their emotional wellbeing too.
What Therapy Taught Me About My Single Mom Journey
- My feelings are all valid – the anger, the sadness, the relief, the fear, even the moments of joy. You can feel multiple contradictory emotions about your situation, and that’s completely normal.
- I don’t have to be grateful for hardship – Some people told me I should be grateful for the opportunity to “find myself.” While I am grateful for who I’ve become, I didn’t have to be thankful for the painful circumstances that got me here.
- Self-compassion is a skill – I had to learn to talk to myself the way I’d talk to a friend going through the same situation. The inner critic that was so harsh about my perceived failures had to be retrained.
- Healing isn’t linear – Some days I felt strong and capable, other days I felt like I was falling apart. Both were part of the process.
Practical Steps for Your Single Mom Journey
If you’re at the beginning of your single mom journey, or if you’re somewhere in the middle feeling stuck, here are some practical steps that helped me:
Start Small with Self-Care
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive spa days. It can be five minutes of deep breathing, a hot cup of coffee enjoyed in silence, or saying no to one thing that drains your energy.
Find Your Tribe
Connect with other single moms who understand your reality. Online communities, local support groups, or even just one friend who gets it can make a huge difference.
Consider Professional Support
If therapy is accessible to you, consider it. If not, look into community mental health resources, support groups, or even self-help books focused on single parenting and personal growth.
Celebrate Small Wins
Did you get everyone fed and to school on time? That’s a win. Did you handle a crisis without falling apart? That’s a win. Did you take ten minutes for yourself today? That’s a win.
Remember Your “Why”
On the hardest days, remember why you’re doing this. For me, it’s showing my children that families can thrive in many different forms, and that women are capable of incredible strength.
To the Single Mom Reading This
Your single mom journey might look different from mine, but you’re not alone in it. Whether you’re newly single or years into this path, whether you’re thriving or barely surviving, your experience is valid.
Finding yourself again after life changes everything isn’t just possible – it’s essential. You deserve to know who you are outside of your relationships, outside of your roles, outside of everyone else’s expectations.
The single mom journey is hard, but it’s also an opportunity to discover just how capable, strong, and resilient you really are. It’s a chance to model for your children what it looks like to rebuild, to grow, and to choose joy even in difficult circumstances.
Moving Forward
My single mom journey continues every day. There are still hard moments, still days when I question my decisions, still times when I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility. But there are also moments of incredible joy, pride in how far we’ve come, and excitement about the future we’re building together.
If you’re on your own single mom journey, please be patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve what you’ve lost, celebrate what you’ve gained, and take it one day at a time.
You’re not just surviving – you’re creating a beautiful life for yourself and your children. That’s something to be proud of.
Are you on your own single mom journey? What has helped you find yourself again? Share your story in the comments below or reach out at collab@mixedandblendedfamily.com. Let’s support each other through this incredible, challenging, beautiful path.
